Why I work with women - A 3 part series, Part 1
I can think of no better day than International Women’s Day to write this 3 part series. This series will be all about “Why Women?” - Why have I chosen to work with and focus on supporting women in business specifically?
Until now I haven’t written this down because frankly, I didn’t think anyone cared. Almost none of my clients, or prospective clients, ever asked “Why women?”
However, very recently a few women have started to ask me;
“Why, as a man, do you so clearly focus on working with women specifically?”
So, here is my most honest answer.
These 3 posts will share my 3 perspectives and reasons behind why I choose to work with women in business.
My very personal reason - and what you can learn from my Mom.
My business based reason - and the 4 questions I use to define my niche
My “big picture” reason - and why women are the key to our future
My hope is that reading these will also give you many actionable tips to help grow and expand your business, and build your confidence, as a woman online.
If nothing else, I hope it will be a good story!
Happy reading
Wil
Reason #1 - My very personal reason - My Mom inspired me
Please note - Part one is shared from my eyes; The eyes of a son who loves his Mom more than he can say and the eyes of a young boy who interpreted everything he saw growing up through a biased lens.
So Mom, please forgive any discrepancies!
I imagine that if my Mom ever read this post, she might say “Wil, what are you talking about? I didn’t do that or say that?” (With a smile of course!)
…
My Mom is amazing
She raised my brother and I to be loving, present, caring husbands and fathers.
My dad wasn’t really around. They got divorced when I was 4 or 5. And then I only saw him for a day or two every second weekend.
At around 8 years old my stepdad came on the scene. And for many years he a lot of fun! He did feel strange stepping into our family because he had his own two sons as well but overall, things were really good.
Then he changed jobs when I was 13 and he went through a really rough patch. This made my teenage years very challenging.
My uncles were also very powerful, dynamic, charismatic men. But they were (sorry guys!) kind of bullies. They learned it from their dad, my grandfather, who was the typical patriarch of a family with 9 children.
Now, in defiance of my uncles, I was a know-it-all brat of a kid. So I probably rubbed them the wrong way just as much as they got on my nerves!
But my mom, my mom was always there.
What my Mom taught me.
My Mom taught me that;
Love is powerful. Love is the most important. Let nothing compromise your love.
We can all hurt each other - even little boys can hurt their moms, so be careful with those you love.
What you do and say matters, so choose wisely what you say to others and yourself.
Hugs are so important
And she taught me that she was always there. She would always be there. That she loved me completely, (even when I was being a little shit sometimes! ;) )
Also, my 2 aunts, and my older cousin Jill, were big influencers in my life. I always felt more comfortable with women. They were safer.
So naturally, by spending more time with women I learned more from the women in my life than the men.
I learned what I would call, more Feminine attributes
to communicate
to listen
to empathize
to be present
to try to understand first
to not rush in and fix things
to care for others around me and to always try to balance the needs of the community or group.
These wonderful lessons stay with me.
However, over the years growing up with my Mom I started to notice something that broke my heart.
My Mom was constantly compromising.
She would say things like “Well, I’d love to go travel but ….” Or “I would have LOVED to be a writer, but you know …”
Later when I would ask her about these things she didn’t know what I was talking about. She would shrug it off, make small of it, or completely forget that she had even said it.
This was one of my earliest memories of recognizing what I now call Energetic Misalignments.
Energetic Misalignments
These are what I also call “The Bullshit” or “Self Lies”. These are the moments when I am sitting with a client and everything is telling me that they believe what they want. But, something is wrong. Something doesn’t smell right. Something doesn’t sound right.
Growing up I thought I was crazy because I would constantly point out these moments to my mom, and other adults. And most often they would say I was being “Too sensitive” or “Taking things too personally.”
They were correct. I did take things VERY personally. But I also know that I was beginning to see things with this gift, the gift of Claire Audience. This is “the power to hear sounds said to exist beyond the reach of ordinary experience or capacity.”
It wasn’t until many years later, after working for years as a life coach and high-performance coach, as well as taking countless energy healing courses and applied psychology courses, that I started to see this gift come back again.
All of a sudden I started to see them again, these “Energetic Misalignments”. I could see when people were lying to themselves, or at least, not being totally true to themselves.
And I saw it much more clearly with women than with men. And the women were often much more open to hearing what I had to share with them.
What I decided.
Because of my history, as well as the recognition that I had a real gift that could help people, I decided something that would change my life.
I decided I would do whatever I could so that women didn’t have to live with self-sacrifice, feeling they needed to help everyone else, out of alignment with their truth for fear of what others might think or say.
I didn’t want the sacrifices my Mom made to need to be repeated by anyone else.
I didn’t want any more women struggling to be able to hold to their truth, playing small instead of shining brightly.
It hurt me that women were compromising out of fear; fear of judgment, fear of rejection, fear that their dreams would be kept from them.
I was tired of seeing my Mom compromise on what she wanted. And I started seeing it show up with countless women all around me. I couldn’t stop seeing it.
That is a big part of why I decided to support women to come into full alignment with themselves, no more lies, no more misalignments, no more compromises.
(By the way, I saw the men in my life having no trouble taking care of their own needs, getting their needs met. If they wanted something, they got it. But that is another opinion piece for another day!)
I saw the women in my life constantly checking in with others to see if it “worked for them” first, which easily and often led to habits of self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, staying small, and putting themselves last. I saw women settling for a win-lose instead of staying true to themselves and doing everything they could to see if a win-win might be possible.
It was just easier to let go of what they wanted or needed than to stand up and stick to their guns.
I observed, and learned, that Women will compromise for others, to protect them, to help them, to save them. They will compromise for their kids, their husband, (heck the whole town or tribe!) so that they could make sure that everyone else is ok.
Ironically, this ability (Gift) to check in with the needs of others is the very quality I so admire and am working so hard to see more of in the world. That is for email #3 in this little series.
But is this gift really a double-edged sword?
I believe it is because it often leaves women doubting themselves, compromising for the sake of others, and giving up on what they truly want.
I decided that I would work with women because they deserve to live their dreams AND take care of their families, their communities, and the world. I want a world where women no longer sacrifice themselves for the greater good but prosper along with that greater good.
I want to see no more women throwing themselves on the sacrificial pile, but rather standing back and saying “No, my sacrifice is no longer required for a world that works for everyone. My personal strength and sovereignty is needed as much as my willingness to lay down my life. We can have it all.”
My mom says that she has no regrets. But I feel like if I could go back in time and help her to be more aligned with her truth, her dreams, and desires, and to help her step out of the belief that her sacrifice was needed, that she might have done some things differently.
I do my work so that no other women have to wonder, regret, or doubt themselves ever again.
In the next post I’ll be sharing reason #2 of why I choose to work with women. This is my business based reason and I’ll be giving you my exact formula, the 4 questions that I use to continually refine my ideal niche, those ideal ideal ideal clients who I love working with, that pay me, that get great results, and refer me to other wonderful clients.
Wil