A story about Faith, Doubt and Prayer ... and Thunder!

A story about Faith, Doubt and Prayer

I remember so clearly when God first heard me. And my huge doubt that it was real.

It was literally a “Thunder and lightening” moment! Thunder Crashed, and God gave me a sign!

I was 15 and had just watched the very deeply spiritual movie “End of days” with the ever Pious (and most humble!), ever loving, Arnie Swartzeneger.

He’s cousins with the Dalai Llama, right?

At the end of this big action movie there was, surprisingly, a very real spiritual moment for Arnolds character.

I remember after the movie, in the dark of night, I wrestled with my own beliefs. It was now midnight, it was raining outside, no one was home and I was left to think and think and think.

Finally I went up to my bedroom, sat on the bed, and continued to contemplated the existence of God, if that “God thing” was even real?!?

I thought "Well something had to have made all this. Something can’t come from nothing. But then why is there so much shit in the world? And … and …”

Oh it went on for AGES!

Meanwhile a storm was brewing.

No, not the one between my head and heart, but a literally storm outside. Rain POURING down.

Then I asked for it, A SIGN.

No, I demanded “A sign”. I said “God, if you’re real, send me a sign!!!”

And right at that moment “BOOM!!!!!”

Thunder shook the house.

I’m not kidding. It was too good to make up!

(Drama king that I am, I knew it at the time and couldn’t wait to tell someone else this great story! ... Had to wait 20 odd years but yes! Wish fulfilled!)

I had had my sign, but .... but ....

I was left with doubt. 

Have you ever had that feeling, as you are walking this path with Spirit, that you might just burst with excitement, vulnerability, fear and hope all at the same time?

You ask for something, you get exactly that thing (or something like it) but your heart just can't hold it? You have that vulnerable, scared, afraid feeling. And you wonder "But IF The Divine truly is listening and actually on my side, if all my hopes really are true, what would my life be like?"

Ok, back to the story!

I'm sitting on my bed, God sent me Thunder, but i'm still not convinced ...


So I said “Ok, God, that was pretty good. But I want a REAL sign. Give me another sign!!”

And then I realized I had put myself into a trance.

Call it a deep meditate state. I knew it as hypnosis at the time.

It lasted for probably 30 minutes, I couldn’t move my body. I was deliciously immobile and it felt wonderful.

Once that passed, and the storm as well, I left it with God this way

“ok, God, that was pretty good, but I’m still not convinced. Let’s leave this for now.”

And off I went with my life.